I used to think that being a mom would be boring or mundane. I thought my life would consist of dirty diapers, spit-up, brooms and laundry. Although those things are included, I've discovered how satisfying mom-hood can be. I've learned to find new outlets for my creativity and I've bonded with my sisters and other mom-friends in unexpected ways.
For instance, Linda and I started making cakes. We think it is so fun and we've had some really creative ones! We've also shared the joy of gardening and canning parts of our harvest. I never thought food storage could be so satisfying, but this morning, I picked a box of peaches from a tree in my backyard where the temperature outside was perfect, the ground was dewey, the peaches smelled so sweet, and the birds were singing loud and proud.. it was magical! Now I'm going to can them. Saturday, Linda's going to come over and we're going to make peach jam out some more of the peaches in the back. I've got plums coming in soon as well as peppers and tomatoes. It finally feels like all the work I've spent on the back yard is paying off.
Sadie, of course, is a joy to be with everyday. We have so much fun together. We sing, dance, read, play, scoot--almost a crawl--across the floor, go for walks, feed the ducks, visit museums, go to the library, and many more fun things. She interacts with me all the time and sometimes I feel like a little kid and I want to wake her up so we can play. Lately, she looks more and more like she walked out of Dr. Suess. Her hair has a swoop-curl that looks just like a who. Her eyes turn up at the ends, her nose has a ski-slope shape that ends in a little button, and her little lips sit in a pucker most of the time. She's just so great. Her mobility grows everyday and we are quickly realizing we need to baby-proof the house; which has been the motivation for our latest project.
My latest project has been cleaning. I realized, I don't know how to clean--literally. I don't know what should be done to a house so it can be considered clean. I was never really taught what I was supposed to do to take care of a house, so I checked out 5 books and a movie from the library. 4 of the 5 books simply succeeded in overwhelming me. However, the 5th book, House of Havoc, has become one of my favorite books of all times. It's apparent the author actually has kids, pets, and a "normal guy" husband. She talks about what needs to be done and what tricks you can do to make your house look nice quickly. It's written really well too--it has made me laugh out loud multiple times. All in all, I'm learning what needs to be done and using skills I was taught during a training session for work, Spencer and I are putting new habits in to place. It'll take a while, but I'm confident we can do it. Hopefully, I'll post pictures and movies of these projects soon!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Oh right... I need to update this thing
So, I should write down a few more memories before I let this thing get too stale. Sadie is 4 months now. She started rolling last Friday and although on Friday and Saturday she was really mad about landing on her stomach, she has learned how to complete the roll. This morning she was rolling all around the living room. I'd set her next to me and before I knew it she would be thumping against the TV on the other side of the room. The part that scares me the most is the fact that she lifts herself up onto her hands extremely well and she can also get on her knees. She just hasn't learn to synchronize the two. I have a feeling that's not going to take very long and once that happens... well, I'll lose even more of my sanity :)
Sadie is such a joy to have around. I only have to feed her twice at night which means I get more rest and am a happier person. Although, she's not someone I ever really get frustrated with anyway. She has a 6 am feeding and she doesn't cry to let me know when she's awake. Instead of crying, I hear her grunting as she works her way out of the swaddle and then I hear her start talking. When I walk into the room she waits for me to peer over the side of the crib and then she starts squirming with delight. It is so fun to see that happy little face. Sometimes when she wakes up earlier than I want to wake up, I'll bring her to my bed for snuggle time with mom. Sometimes she falls back to sleep with me. Other times, I'll open my eyes just a tiny bit and I'll see her little face looking at mine waiting for me to wake up. It becomes a game for her. She waits and when I open my eyes a little she smiles really big until I can't help but laugh. She's very effective at waking me up.
We've started feeding Sadie rice cereal once a day. Our pediatrician said if she was showing an interest in food we could try it. She definitely has an interest in food. I mean, she loves it when I give her medicine, REAL food is going to be great. When we feed her rice cereal she tries to hold the spoon and push it in herself. It's very cute. She's an independent little thing. For instance, sometimes she'll get fussy and I'll be trying to figure out why. I'll try to feed her, change her diaper, try holding her in a different position, but nothing works until I put her on the ground--she cheers right up and starts rolling around. Whodda thunk I'd have an independent baby? ;)
Oh, another fun memory... we went to Clear Lake a couple of weeks ago with the whole family. It was a blast to have all of us there. When we were there Sadie learned a couple of things from her cousins... mainly, how to be a little louder. Towards the end of the trip she started doing this squealing screaming thing. It was hilarious. I'll try to post a video of it. Now, she sticks her tongue out and growls at us. Although if it's first thing in the morning, she knows it's quiet time, so she whispers to us. I love her little sounds.
Final thought, I've started working with United Way again part time. They have been so great. It's fun to be wanted at a job and not only to be wanted, but to know I was good enough at it that they are letting me work mainly from home. It's nice to have a little extra income and it's especially nice to be working for a company that gives me such a good purpose in my work. I do most of my work while Sadie is sleeping, but sometimes she works with me. She'll sit on my lap and watch the computer while I type. It's very fun. If you can't tell already, I think motherhood is a blast.
Oh yeah, another thing... I had my birthday this week and I had such a fun party! We played games from "Minute to Win it" with the kids and adults. My favorite part was having my whole family at my house. I've been working very hard on the yard of this house to make it a fun place to be. My dad has just finished fixing the sprinklers all the way so they come on automatically and I'm seeing hope for having a pretty yard! I've been proud of my flower garden in the front and my veggie garden in the back. If you haven't tried gardening, you should. It's very theraputic. Ok, I think I've blabbed enough to remember what life is like for me now. :) Signing off.
Sadie is such a joy to have around. I only have to feed her twice at night which means I get more rest and am a happier person. Although, she's not someone I ever really get frustrated with anyway. She has a 6 am feeding and she doesn't cry to let me know when she's awake. Instead of crying, I hear her grunting as she works her way out of the swaddle and then I hear her start talking. When I walk into the room she waits for me to peer over the side of the crib and then she starts squirming with delight. It is so fun to see that happy little face. Sometimes when she wakes up earlier than I want to wake up, I'll bring her to my bed for snuggle time with mom. Sometimes she falls back to sleep with me. Other times, I'll open my eyes just a tiny bit and I'll see her little face looking at mine waiting for me to wake up. It becomes a game for her. She waits and when I open my eyes a little she smiles really big until I can't help but laugh. She's very effective at waking me up.
We've started feeding Sadie rice cereal once a day. Our pediatrician said if she was showing an interest in food we could try it. She definitely has an interest in food. I mean, she loves it when I give her medicine, REAL food is going to be great. When we feed her rice cereal she tries to hold the spoon and push it in herself. It's very cute. She's an independent little thing. For instance, sometimes she'll get fussy and I'll be trying to figure out why. I'll try to feed her, change her diaper, try holding her in a different position, but nothing works until I put her on the ground--she cheers right up and starts rolling around. Whodda thunk I'd have an independent baby? ;)
Oh, another fun memory... we went to Clear Lake a couple of weeks ago with the whole family. It was a blast to have all of us there. When we were there Sadie learned a couple of things from her cousins... mainly, how to be a little louder. Towards the end of the trip she started doing this squealing screaming thing. It was hilarious. I'll try to post a video of it. Now, she sticks her tongue out and growls at us. Although if it's first thing in the morning, she knows it's quiet time, so she whispers to us. I love her little sounds.
Final thought, I've started working with United Way again part time. They have been so great. It's fun to be wanted at a job and not only to be wanted, but to know I was good enough at it that they are letting me work mainly from home. It's nice to have a little extra income and it's especially nice to be working for a company that gives me such a good purpose in my work. I do most of my work while Sadie is sleeping, but sometimes she works with me. She'll sit on my lap and watch the computer while I type. It's very fun. If you can't tell already, I think motherhood is a blast.
Oh yeah, another thing... I had my birthday this week and I had such a fun party! We played games from "Minute to Win it" with the kids and adults. My favorite part was having my whole family at my house. I've been working very hard on the yard of this house to make it a fun place to be. My dad has just finished fixing the sprinklers all the way so they come on automatically and I'm seeing hope for having a pretty yard! I've been proud of my flower garden in the front and my veggie garden in the back. If you haven't tried gardening, you should. It's very theraputic. Ok, I think I've blabbed enough to remember what life is like for me now. :) Signing off.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Dad's triathalon
We are so proud of daddy! He won 3rd in his age division and he beat his personal goal of completing the race in under 1 hour 30 minutes!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Here's another video that was too big to upload onto my blog. It's just Sadie talking to the camera on that same day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xn5e3uCdeg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xn5e3uCdeg
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I LOVE being a Mom!
I wanted to write a long time ago, but it has been sure hard to find the time. I spend 7+ hours a day feeding my baby. That's more than I sleep. It's taking a bit to get used to, but I'm loving every second of it.
This next bit is going to be more of a journal entry for me. I'm going to write all the gory and glorious details of labor so I can remember it for next time. If you have a weak stomach, you may not want to read all of it... I'm not going to censor anything. :)
As you can probably tell by the previous post, I was pretty miserable the last few weeks before Sadie came. I had been dilated to a 2 and 80% effaced for 3 weeks before she came. I remember watching her due date (the 15th) come and go, so I set my hopes on having a little leprechaun on the 17th. Sadly, I watched St. Patty's day come and go as well. Finally, on Thursday the 18th, I went to the Doc for a non-stress test. After the test, the doctor asked me when I wanted to have this baby. "As soon as possible," I replied. He then proceeded to tell me he finally had enough medical evidence to admit me to be induced and I could be induced starting that day at 4. I was so happy I almost started crying. On our way out, I was thinking, I should double check with the secretaries to make sure I can get admitted at 4. But Spencer was rushing me out because he wanted to watch the BYU basketball game. Stupid basketball.
So, we headed home and double checked that I had everything packed and ready for my hospital stay. I was so happy I almost didn't notice the contractions I was having were getting pretty intense and very close together. We were at my in-laws at about 11 and my contractions were making me double over. I didn't think too much about it though because the doctor had checked my cervix and I often cramped after he checked it. I assumed they would stop like all the other ones had. At 1:30 the contractions were making me want to hold my breath and they were coming consistently every 5 minutes. I kept thinking to myself, is this really happening? Could I actually be going into real labor just hours after I was promised an induction?
We arrived at the hospital at 4pm and I gave the check in nurse my name... well, she looked at me and said they weren't expecting me. I felt my heart drop. (Again, let me say, I hate basketball.) She said she would call Dr. Young and double check to see if they could get me in. So, we headed to the waiting room. After 15 minutes a nurse came in and said they finally got a hold of Dr. Young, but she didn't have any rooms available yet. She had one being cleaned at that moment, but it wouldn't be ready till 5. She recommended we get something to eat and come back. Relieved that I was still going to be induced, and working through the pain of my now every 3 minute contractions, we headed to Wendy's. At Wendy's, I had a hard time eating because of my very intense and frequent contractions. They had gotten to the point where I was getting light-headed and I could feel the blood leaving my extremities how it does when I'm in really bad pain. Inside, however, I was very happy to know what labor actually feels like so I can be a little more prepared for next time. I found it ironic that Sadie was letting me know she was in charge till the very end. I'm sure that as soon as she got wind that I was going to be induced she said, "Yeah right mom. I'm coming on my own."
We went back to the hospital and got checked into room 313. The nurse then got me hooked up to an IV so she could start me on the cervix thinning chemicals. After she got the needle in, (quite the feat since I hate needles so much) she checked my cervix one last time. While checking me, she looked up and said, "You're dilated to a 3 and your cervix is very thin and stretchy. We may not need to put you on that chemical. Let me check with Dr.Young." So the nurse left and Dr. Young came by about an hour later. He checked me, told me I was dilated to a 4, and then proceeded to break my water. It looked like he was sticking a crochet hook up there, but I didn't really feel anything besides my contractions. After breaking my water, he said, we're just going to start you on petosin (skipping the hours of cervix thinning stuff) and you'll probably have a baby by morning. Needless to say, I was ecstatic.
A new nurse came in and started the petosin. Her name was Karine and she was the nurse who helped me through the entire labor process. I really liked her. After hooking up my IV's, she asked me if I wanted an epidural. I was surprised I could get it at what seemed so soon, but I didn't hesitate to say yes. The anesthesiologist came and gave me instructions on how to sit, how it was going to sting like a bee sting at first, and then how the numbness would feel. He also told me I should feel pressure throughout the labor, but never pain. If the pressure began to feel uncomfortable, I was to push a little button and it would administer a little more medicine. I was nervous about the needle, but they were good about not letting me see it. When I'm nervous, I get really clammy and if it's even a little cold where I am, I start to shake pretty bad. My mom, Linda, and Spencer were all there coaching me through what I considered the scariest part of the evening. After I was hooked up, I immediately began feeling a warmth spread down my left leg and then down my right leg. I was not expecting warmth, but boy, did I like it. Suddenly, my legs were feeling better than they had in months. I knew from then on, I was going to love labor. Pregnancy was soon to be over.
After checking my cervix--a 6 and only a lip of cervix left--Karine told me it was going to be few hours so I was to get some rest. I had to rotate from lying on my left side to my right side every half hour or so though because if I stayed on one side too long, Sadie's heart beat would start to decelerate. I was ok with turning though and I asked to have the heart rate monitor turned up so I could also keep track of how her heart was doing. As the night continued on, Karine continued to frequently check on me. I began feeling pressure down there-- kind of like I needed to go to the bathroom, so I told Karine. She checked me and told me I was fully dilated and she could feel the baby's head. She told me she was going to call Dr. Young and have me start pushing soon. I was so excited and called my mom and Linda--they were sleeping in the waiting room--to come in.
(On a side note, I asked Linda to be with me through labor and I'm so glad I did. Before having Sadie, I just knew Linda needed to be there. Now Linda is very sick and I'm glad that we had that moment with each other. The doctors know she has an auto-immune disease, but they don't know exactly what is happening to her. Her body is attacking itself and we don't know how far it's going to go. Some doctor's have mentioned a possibility paralysis which breaks my heart. I hope she always knows what a support she was to me and baby Sadie.)
Karine told me that for pushing I was to push as hard as I could for 3 sets of 10 seconds. We would start the pushing at a beginning of a contraction. In between contractions, they put an oxygen mask on me because Sadie's heart would slow down a little between contractions if I didn't have it. Ever since my first emergency room experience from asthma, I have loved oxygen masks, so I treated the mask as my reward for pushing. I thought it was great.
After an hour of pushing Sadie was here. She arrived at 3:58am. It didn't feel like a whole hour of pushing. I guess breaking things up into intervals makes the time go by faster. Something I'll be sure to remember for when I'm working off that baby weight. Either way, Karine said that only pushing for an hour is short for a first time mom. Oh, I do remember at one point she had me feel Sadie's head before she was out. It was a little weird. She had also asked me if I wanted a mirror before I started pushing. I told her, "No thanks. I think there is a reason my head is up here." Dr. Young also told me he was impressed with how little I tore. I guess that's another good thing for a first time mom. Anyhow, when Sadie came out, the first thing I remember was looking at Linda and we both started crying. Linda was telling me how beautiful she was. My mom was commenting on how Sadie's arm came flying out like superman right after her head came out. Spencer was beaming and he later told me he was so impressed and proud of me. I was trying to see her, but they had whisked her away to clean out her lungs and other stuff. Spencer went over to be with her and I was stuck lying on the bed while Dr. Young sewed me up. I remember thinking, If I really only tore a little bit, what on earth is taking you so long?! I want to see my baby! Eventually, the stitching was done and this beautiful little baby with a full head of hear and puffy pink lips was sitting in my arms. Being the emotional person that I am, I looked at her and cried tears of joy and love. Finally, I was a mom.
Eventually, I fell asleep and the epidural wore off. I remember waking up feeling like I was sitting on water balloons and then I realized that was me... I was finally realizing the trauma my body had gone through to push out my almost 8 lb baby. Luckily, the hospital gives you lots of percocet, motrin 800, and gloves filled with ice for sitting on. (I loved those) Recovery began pretty good except that my bladder distended. That means I stretched it out so much that they had to put a catheter in me to drain it. The first time they drained 2 liters out of me. When I still couldn't pee on my own, they left the catheter in for a while. Eventually, my bladder began working normal again. To be honest, I liked the catheter. After months of getting up several times in the night to pee, I didn't have to. It was nice.
All in all, I can say I was definitely a grouchy pregnant lady, but now I'm a very happy mom. I didn't get any post-pardum depression (I had pre-pardum depression). Everytime I wake up, I looked into the face of my little angel and my heart swells with joy. She really is an angel. Of all the things I expected least, I never thought I'd have a good baby. But she is perfect. Katie lives upstairs and practically drools at how lucky I've been. My baby hardly cries and she sleeps great. She even loves bath time and it is sure fun to play dress up with all of her hair. We did, however, have a little bit of a bump at the beginning with nursing because her latch was wrong. By day 6 my nipples were scabbed, bleeding, and incredibly sore. I had gotten to the point where I only wanted to pump because it hurt so much to feed her. Thankfully, I called a lactation specialist from WIC to help me. Her name was Wendy and she helped me get my milk supply back up. I didn't catch the family curse of being an overproducer so I'm glad I called Wendy before my milk completely dried up. She also helped me get Sadie's weight back up to where it needs to be. I am so grateful to her and to WIC for providing that service. I don't know what I would have done without them. Now, I'm just waiting for Sadie to hit the 3 month mark where she should have her first growth spurt and start sucking harder. When that happens, I won't have to feed her every 2 hours and I might remember what it feels like to sleep deeply again. We'll have to see. Maybe that's when my angel won't be so angelic anymore. ;)
No matter what, I am so happy to be a mom. I've always been so independent, so I never thought I would enjoy having such a little one dictate my life, but honestly, I've never felt so satisfied. I am so glad we decided to have a family. After coming home, Spencer gave me a blessing and in it I was told that Sadie and I are going to be best friends here on earth and throughout eternity. I can already feel our friendship starting. Even though she can't talk, I feel so connected with her. I find myself laughing at her adorable expressions and singing and talking to her all the time. I have a feeling the most important chapter of my life has begun--thank goodness.
This next bit is going to be more of a journal entry for me. I'm going to write all the gory and glorious details of labor so I can remember it for next time. If you have a weak stomach, you may not want to read all of it... I'm not going to censor anything. :)
As you can probably tell by the previous post, I was pretty miserable the last few weeks before Sadie came. I had been dilated to a 2 and 80% effaced for 3 weeks before she came. I remember watching her due date (the 15th) come and go, so I set my hopes on having a little leprechaun on the 17th. Sadly, I watched St. Patty's day come and go as well. Finally, on Thursday the 18th, I went to the Doc for a non-stress test. After the test, the doctor asked me when I wanted to have this baby. "As soon as possible," I replied. He then proceeded to tell me he finally had enough medical evidence to admit me to be induced and I could be induced starting that day at 4. I was so happy I almost started crying. On our way out, I was thinking, I should double check with the secretaries to make sure I can get admitted at 4. But Spencer was rushing me out because he wanted to watch the BYU basketball game. Stupid basketball.
So, we headed home and double checked that I had everything packed and ready for my hospital stay. I was so happy I almost didn't notice the contractions I was having were getting pretty intense and very close together. We were at my in-laws at about 11 and my contractions were making me double over. I didn't think too much about it though because the doctor had checked my cervix and I often cramped after he checked it. I assumed they would stop like all the other ones had. At 1:30 the contractions were making me want to hold my breath and they were coming consistently every 5 minutes. I kept thinking to myself, is this really happening? Could I actually be going into real labor just hours after I was promised an induction?
We arrived at the hospital at 4pm and I gave the check in nurse my name... well, she looked at me and said they weren't expecting me. I felt my heart drop. (Again, let me say, I hate basketball.) She said she would call Dr. Young and double check to see if they could get me in. So, we headed to the waiting room. After 15 minutes a nurse came in and said they finally got a hold of Dr. Young, but she didn't have any rooms available yet. She had one being cleaned at that moment, but it wouldn't be ready till 5. She recommended we get something to eat and come back. Relieved that I was still going to be induced, and working through the pain of my now every 3 minute contractions, we headed to Wendy's. At Wendy's, I had a hard time eating because of my very intense and frequent contractions. They had gotten to the point where I was getting light-headed and I could feel the blood leaving my extremities how it does when I'm in really bad pain. Inside, however, I was very happy to know what labor actually feels like so I can be a little more prepared for next time. I found it ironic that Sadie was letting me know she was in charge till the very end. I'm sure that as soon as she got wind that I was going to be induced she said, "Yeah right mom. I'm coming on my own."
We went back to the hospital and got checked into room 313. The nurse then got me hooked up to an IV so she could start me on the cervix thinning chemicals. After she got the needle in, (quite the feat since I hate needles so much) she checked my cervix one last time. While checking me, she looked up and said, "You're dilated to a 3 and your cervix is very thin and stretchy. We may not need to put you on that chemical. Let me check with Dr.Young." So the nurse left and Dr. Young came by about an hour later. He checked me, told me I was dilated to a 4, and then proceeded to break my water. It looked like he was sticking a crochet hook up there, but I didn't really feel anything besides my contractions. After breaking my water, he said, we're just going to start you on petosin (skipping the hours of cervix thinning stuff) and you'll probably have a baby by morning. Needless to say, I was ecstatic.
A new nurse came in and started the petosin. Her name was Karine and she was the nurse who helped me through the entire labor process. I really liked her. After hooking up my IV's, she asked me if I wanted an epidural. I was surprised I could get it at what seemed so soon, but I didn't hesitate to say yes. The anesthesiologist came and gave me instructions on how to sit, how it was going to sting like a bee sting at first, and then how the numbness would feel. He also told me I should feel pressure throughout the labor, but never pain. If the pressure began to feel uncomfortable, I was to push a little button and it would administer a little more medicine. I was nervous about the needle, but they were good about not letting me see it. When I'm nervous, I get really clammy and if it's even a little cold where I am, I start to shake pretty bad. My mom, Linda, and Spencer were all there coaching me through what I considered the scariest part of the evening. After I was hooked up, I immediately began feeling a warmth spread down my left leg and then down my right leg. I was not expecting warmth, but boy, did I like it. Suddenly, my legs were feeling better than they had in months. I knew from then on, I was going to love labor. Pregnancy was soon to be over.
After checking my cervix--a 6 and only a lip of cervix left--Karine told me it was going to be few hours so I was to get some rest. I had to rotate from lying on my left side to my right side every half hour or so though because if I stayed on one side too long, Sadie's heart beat would start to decelerate. I was ok with turning though and I asked to have the heart rate monitor turned up so I could also keep track of how her heart was doing. As the night continued on, Karine continued to frequently check on me. I began feeling pressure down there-- kind of like I needed to go to the bathroom, so I told Karine. She checked me and told me I was fully dilated and she could feel the baby's head. She told me she was going to call Dr. Young and have me start pushing soon. I was so excited and called my mom and Linda--they were sleeping in the waiting room--to come in.
(On a side note, I asked Linda to be with me through labor and I'm so glad I did. Before having Sadie, I just knew Linda needed to be there. Now Linda is very sick and I'm glad that we had that moment with each other. The doctors know she has an auto-immune disease, but they don't know exactly what is happening to her. Her body is attacking itself and we don't know how far it's going to go. Some doctor's have mentioned a possibility paralysis which breaks my heart. I hope she always knows what a support she was to me and baby Sadie.)
Karine told me that for pushing I was to push as hard as I could for 3 sets of 10 seconds. We would start the pushing at a beginning of a contraction. In between contractions, they put an oxygen mask on me because Sadie's heart would slow down a little between contractions if I didn't have it. Ever since my first emergency room experience from asthma, I have loved oxygen masks, so I treated the mask as my reward for pushing. I thought it was great.
After an hour of pushing Sadie was here. She arrived at 3:58am. It didn't feel like a whole hour of pushing. I guess breaking things up into intervals makes the time go by faster. Something I'll be sure to remember for when I'm working off that baby weight. Either way, Karine said that only pushing for an hour is short for a first time mom. Oh, I do remember at one point she had me feel Sadie's head before she was out. It was a little weird. She had also asked me if I wanted a mirror before I started pushing. I told her, "No thanks. I think there is a reason my head is up here." Dr. Young also told me he was impressed with how little I tore. I guess that's another good thing for a first time mom. Anyhow, when Sadie came out, the first thing I remember was looking at Linda and we both started crying. Linda was telling me how beautiful she was. My mom was commenting on how Sadie's arm came flying out like superman right after her head came out. Spencer was beaming and he later told me he was so impressed and proud of me. I was trying to see her, but they had whisked her away to clean out her lungs and other stuff. Spencer went over to be with her and I was stuck lying on the bed while Dr. Young sewed me up. I remember thinking, If I really only tore a little bit, what on earth is taking you so long?! I want to see my baby! Eventually, the stitching was done and this beautiful little baby with a full head of hear and puffy pink lips was sitting in my arms. Being the emotional person that I am, I looked at her and cried tears of joy and love. Finally, I was a mom.
Eventually, I fell asleep and the epidural wore off. I remember waking up feeling like I was sitting on water balloons and then I realized that was me... I was finally realizing the trauma my body had gone through to push out my almost 8 lb baby. Luckily, the hospital gives you lots of percocet, motrin 800, and gloves filled with ice for sitting on. (I loved those) Recovery began pretty good except that my bladder distended. That means I stretched it out so much that they had to put a catheter in me to drain it. The first time they drained 2 liters out of me. When I still couldn't pee on my own, they left the catheter in for a while. Eventually, my bladder began working normal again. To be honest, I liked the catheter. After months of getting up several times in the night to pee, I didn't have to. It was nice.
All in all, I can say I was definitely a grouchy pregnant lady, but now I'm a very happy mom. I didn't get any post-pardum depression (I had pre-pardum depression). Everytime I wake up, I looked into the face of my little angel and my heart swells with joy. She really is an angel. Of all the things I expected least, I never thought I'd have a good baby. But she is perfect. Katie lives upstairs and practically drools at how lucky I've been. My baby hardly cries and she sleeps great. She even loves bath time and it is sure fun to play dress up with all of her hair. We did, however, have a little bit of a bump at the beginning with nursing because her latch was wrong. By day 6 my nipples were scabbed, bleeding, and incredibly sore. I had gotten to the point where I only wanted to pump because it hurt so much to feed her. Thankfully, I called a lactation specialist from WIC to help me. Her name was Wendy and she helped me get my milk supply back up. I didn't catch the family curse of being an overproducer so I'm glad I called Wendy before my milk completely dried up. She also helped me get Sadie's weight back up to where it needs to be. I am so grateful to her and to WIC for providing that service. I don't know what I would have done without them. Now, I'm just waiting for Sadie to hit the 3 month mark where she should have her first growth spurt and start sucking harder. When that happens, I won't have to feed her every 2 hours and I might remember what it feels like to sleep deeply again. We'll have to see. Maybe that's when my angel won't be so angelic anymore. ;)
No matter what, I am so happy to be a mom. I've always been so independent, so I never thought I would enjoy having such a little one dictate my life, but honestly, I've never felt so satisfied. I am so glad we decided to have a family. After coming home, Spencer gave me a blessing and in it I was told that Sadie and I are going to be best friends here on earth and throughout eternity. I can already feel our friendship starting. Even though she can't talk, I feel so connected with her. I find myself laughing at her adorable expressions and singing and talking to her all the time. I have a feeling the most important chapter of my life has begun--thank goodness.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Therapy--mind dump.
Two and a half weeks ago, I went to the Doctor's and he told me that I was still completely closed, or in other words, baby was still a ways a way. The next week, I went to the Doctor and he told me I was 1-2 centimeters dialated and my cervix was 80% thinned. The baby had also dropped, so Dr. Young told me it could be another week, or I could have the baby before my next appointment. Well, my next appointment came. I had done all of the tips to speed up labor, so I was expecting at least a little progress. However, when he checked me last Thursday, I was exactly the same as I was the week before--2 centimeters dialated and 80% thinned. Dr. Young said my body wasn't moving as fast as he thought and so it could be another 1-2 weeks. I was devastated.
After leaving my appointment I cried in my car for a good 15 minutes. After the 15 minutes, I thought I was calm enough to drive, but pretty soon I needed to pull over again. I drove to Nielson's Grove, a favorite park of mine, and cried for another 20 minutes. Luckily, my mom helped me manage my emotions for the rest of the day. I've been handling my emotions better since then, but every day that goes by without a baby in my arms is still frustrating.
So, today I am 39 weeks pregnant and I still don't have any sure signs of my baby coming. I really don't want to be pregnant any more. I've had three separate days of intense nesting and now I have very few things I can think of to deep clean. I scrubbed my kitchen floor on my hands and knees for an hour and a half. Linda has helped me deep clean all of my kitchen appliances including my fridge. Spencer helped me clean out and reorganize the pantry. Spencer and my dad helped weatherized my home the other day. Only thing left I can think of to deep clean is the furnace filters and heater vents. However, my body seems to even want to take away my productivity.
I feel like my body has been hijacked and I really want it back. Most days, I'm in pain. It used to be that I was just uncomfortable, but now I literally hurt. I've had lots of contractions, but they don't come in close enough intervals to justify a trip to the hospital. The contractions that I have had have been painful and so now I'm sore. Spencer was talking to me about exercising and we realized that I'm probably sore because I've basically been doing intense sit-ups all week. My back hurts intensly during those contractions and then it also hurts constantly while I try to tow around my growing and sagging belly. I've been nauseas almost every day and my feet swell. Sleeping is difficult and I would much rather prefer waking up to feed a baby instead of waking up to pee and then try to find a comfortable position for sleeping. I've had quite a few nights where I've woken up at like 1 am to go to the bathroom and then I've not been able to fall back asleep for 2-3 hours. Getting ready exhausts me so I do the bare minimum. I feel big and ugly. Even some of my sweetest moments with Spencer are interrupted with, "Ugh, you're squishing Sadie." I'm at the point where I am simply miserable.
Needless to say, I feel like there is very little I can do to help my self feel better phisically, so I've been trying to work on my mental and spiritual happiness. I've been praying a lot lately and the Lord answered some of my prayers in an interesting way the other day. I was watching food network and I was reminded of a time when I really wanted to make gooey chocolate chip cookies. At Provo High, I used to buy chocolate chip cookies that were freshly baked, warm, and always wonderfully soft. When I made cookies at home, they always seemed to flatten out like a pancake and then they would be crunchy. So, I decided I would just try cooking them for less time. I pulled the cookies out early and tried to scrape them off the pan to cool. Well, they fell apart into a sticky mess. I tried tasting them anyway and then realized I was just eating warm dough. Looking back, I realized not cooking the cookies long enough was not the solution to my problem. Not only did the cookies fall apart, but not fully cooking them could have made me sick. After thinking about this for a second, the cook on food network pulled something out of the oven and said, "Mmm, baked to perfection." I realized this was a message the Lord had been trying to send me. As much as I want her here, Sadie needs to be baked to perfection. The more I've thought about this, the more parallels I've been able to draw. For instance, my kitchen oven is so old it needs to be turned up an extra 25 degrees and after that I usually have to leave food in there a few more minutes than the recipe recommends. Maybe my personal "oven" is the same way. All I know, is I'm trying to be better about being patient. When Sadie finally does come, I want to be able to say she's been baked to perfection. Wish me luck.
After leaving my appointment I cried in my car for a good 15 minutes. After the 15 minutes, I thought I was calm enough to drive, but pretty soon I needed to pull over again. I drove to Nielson's Grove, a favorite park of mine, and cried for another 20 minutes. Luckily, my mom helped me manage my emotions for the rest of the day. I've been handling my emotions better since then, but every day that goes by without a baby in my arms is still frustrating.
So, today I am 39 weeks pregnant and I still don't have any sure signs of my baby coming. I really don't want to be pregnant any more. I've had three separate days of intense nesting and now I have very few things I can think of to deep clean. I scrubbed my kitchen floor on my hands and knees for an hour and a half. Linda has helped me deep clean all of my kitchen appliances including my fridge. Spencer helped me clean out and reorganize the pantry. Spencer and my dad helped weatherized my home the other day. Only thing left I can think of to deep clean is the furnace filters and heater vents. However, my body seems to even want to take away my productivity.
I feel like my body has been hijacked and I really want it back. Most days, I'm in pain. It used to be that I was just uncomfortable, but now I literally hurt. I've had lots of contractions, but they don't come in close enough intervals to justify a trip to the hospital. The contractions that I have had have been painful and so now I'm sore. Spencer was talking to me about exercising and we realized that I'm probably sore because I've basically been doing intense sit-ups all week. My back hurts intensly during those contractions and then it also hurts constantly while I try to tow around my growing and sagging belly. I've been nauseas almost every day and my feet swell. Sleeping is difficult and I would much rather prefer waking up to feed a baby instead of waking up to pee and then try to find a comfortable position for sleeping. I've had quite a few nights where I've woken up at like 1 am to go to the bathroom and then I've not been able to fall back asleep for 2-3 hours. Getting ready exhausts me so I do the bare minimum. I feel big and ugly. Even some of my sweetest moments with Spencer are interrupted with, "Ugh, you're squishing Sadie." I'm at the point where I am simply miserable.
Needless to say, I feel like there is very little I can do to help my self feel better phisically, so I've been trying to work on my mental and spiritual happiness. I've been praying a lot lately and the Lord answered some of my prayers in an interesting way the other day. I was watching food network and I was reminded of a time when I really wanted to make gooey chocolate chip cookies. At Provo High, I used to buy chocolate chip cookies that were freshly baked, warm, and always wonderfully soft. When I made cookies at home, they always seemed to flatten out like a pancake and then they would be crunchy. So, I decided I would just try cooking them for less time. I pulled the cookies out early and tried to scrape them off the pan to cool. Well, they fell apart into a sticky mess. I tried tasting them anyway and then realized I was just eating warm dough. Looking back, I realized not cooking the cookies long enough was not the solution to my problem. Not only did the cookies fall apart, but not fully cooking them could have made me sick. After thinking about this for a second, the cook on food network pulled something out of the oven and said, "Mmm, baked to perfection." I realized this was a message the Lord had been trying to send me. As much as I want her here, Sadie needs to be baked to perfection. The more I've thought about this, the more parallels I've been able to draw. For instance, my kitchen oven is so old it needs to be turned up an extra 25 degrees and after that I usually have to leave food in there a few more minutes than the recipe recommends. Maybe my personal "oven" is the same way. All I know, is I'm trying to be better about being patient. When Sadie finally does come, I want to be able to say she's been baked to perfection. Wish me luck.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)